Cold
by Keiko
Summary: On a cold night alone, Yaten remembers when Seiya had been her lover, and how she left her. The story is Yaten's POV on what happened before and after Stars, and it's kinda dark. About how she froze her heart and soul. Yuri-ish


Cold  
By: Keiko Nakamoto  
Disclaimer: I don't own Sailormoon. Or Sailorstarfighter, or Sailorstarhealer, or any senshi for that matter.  
Notes: This is in memory of the awful terrorist attack directed at America. Against my country or not, this attack was awful. Evil. Wrong. I hope that whoever planned this horrible crime against the States is found, and punished accordingly. I also will pray for the families of those who died and those who are injured. I ask that any of you reading this would please pray for them too, and pray for our president. He needs our support. (note: I'm not trying to offend anyone by asking you all to pray. If you are atheist or something, I respect that, so please don't flame me for this. I merely wanted to remind those with a religion, please pray.)  
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'So cold...' I shivered. I pulled the thin blankets tightly around myself, and closed my eyes. It was so cold...I hadn't remembered Kinmoku as being this freezing. It was almost as bad as winter in that one American state...um, what was it called? Minnesota! Yeah, I remember going there for a concert during the winter...I nearly froze! But at least...at least I hadn't been alone.   
  
America...before we went to Japan we had gone to America...and that...that was where I told Seiya that I loved her. And Seiya had returned my love. But then we went to Japan and met _them_ the Japanese Sailor Senshi. Sure there were Sailor Senshi in America, hell there was a team of them on every continent. After all, evil didn't only exist in Japan. But the American Senshi had been more...accepting. Even, helpful. But the Japanese Senshi...half were accepting, half were rejecting. And caught in the middle was the little moon princess.  
  
"Moon Princess..." I growled sarcastically. I liked the hyper American star princess better. Star princess. She should almost be our princess rather than Kakyuu, the princess of fragrant olives. But hey, I love Kakyuu, and wouldn't trade her for the world. Or for the star princess. But poor Taiki. She had fallen in love with the sweet raven haired girl, and was devastated when we had to leave.   
  
Then later, in Japan, Seiya, MY Seiya, fell in love with the moon princess. She got her own room for the first time since that night in Minnesota. She moped around and tried to show off to the moon princess. Damn that little bitch, it's her fault that I'm alone now! She took what was mine, and broke it. Damn her, damn her to hell! She broke my Seiya, broke her will, broke her spirit, broke her hopes, her dreams, tore her apart! And then she smiled and said she would be friends with her forever. Goddamn her! How could she do that?! How!?  
  
Tears sprang to my eyes. How could anyone be so cruel? How in all hell could anyone have the heart to toy around with Seiya like that?! And now, I'm all alone. All alone...in the cold...in more ways than one.  
  
"Seiya..." I whispered, tears flowing quietly. I buried my face in my pillow. "Seiya..."  
  
And I felt cold, intense cold, and intense sadness. Overwhelming pain as memories of my time together with Seiya flooded over me. Why did she leave me? Why did she love Usagi? What was wrong with ME? It was so cold...  
  
Then, I shivered as I felt the coldness seep into my soul, freezing my heart on it's way. So cold......and I cried, I cried for the last time in my life. I cried myself right to sleep.  
  
After that one night, I never felt love again. I turned a cold shoulder on the world, and froze my heart to all emotions. I put up an icy barrier between myself and everything, everyone. I refused to be hurt. Not again.  
  
But...I could feel them. My frozen heart and soul...I could physically feel their extra weight. But I numbed myself to that pain as well. If I didn't care about anything, I couldn't be hurt by it. So I stopped caring.  
  
I got to the point where nothing mattered except surviving. I could have killed an innocent child and I wouldn't have felt a drop of remorse, pity, guilt, or anything of the sort. Nothing hurt. Nothing.  
  
Well, Seiya eventually got over the moon princess, and shortly after, she married Kakyuu. Then, after the wedding, Taiki returned to America. Last I heard she and the star princess were engaged. I didn't care. Or so I convinced myself. I didn't need them. I didn't need love.  
  
I became a wanderer. Leaving Kinmoku and beginning to travel between stars and planets. I saw planets of greenery and flowers, planets of ice, stars of warmth, and stars of eternal winter. But, honestly, I spent most of my time floating in empty space, staring at distant stars. And I'd find myself wondering, was Seiya happy? Was she still with Kakyuu? Did Kakyuu make her happy? And most of all, did she miss me? I told myself that I didn't miss her.  
  
After many years of drifting aimlessly, place to place. I settled down on a cold, deserted planet known as Pluto. Coldest place I could find. After staying there for a year I began to like the cold, because it reminded me of the cold night. The night my soul turned to ice. And I hurt when I thought of that night. It was the only thing left in my life that could make me _feel_. I had lost all emotion, but I could feel pain when I thought of that night. But that was all, there was no more love, no happiness, no anger, no resentment. Nothing. Not anything, good or bad. But I could feel pain. So I clung to it.  
  
Now, I'm just over two hundred sixty, and I still look seventeen. I haven't really changed much appearance wise, but I've changed in personality. I truly believe that my gaze has become cold enough to freeze the Caribbean Sea. I don't feel anymore. Well, sure I can _physically_ feel things, but I can't feel emotions anymore. Except pain, and that only comes with the memories of that cold night.  
  
No one can reach me now. I'm beyond saving, if you melted the ice around my heart, I would melt with it. That's how much a part of me it's become. No matter what I do, nothing penetrates deep enough to make me care. Maybe Seiya hates me. So what. Nothing matters anymore. Not even her.  
  
So now all I have is this eternal cold, and with that comes eternal pain. Pain, in the dark...quiet...cold...  
  
So cold...and so alone.  
  
~ Owari   



End file.
